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At 42, I thought my life would be a totally different story than it actually is. I’m not sure if that’s a good or a bad thing, but I suppose it depends on the person.  To me, these adverbs are relative, as I choose to live life as fully as possible, enjoying every moment that is presented. So much has been taken away from me that what I have been able to re-create is treasured, and every chance I’m given, I designate  serious consideration to taking the offer presented.

As a result, I’ve been able to come a long way in raising; my self-esteem, my abilities to perform, my risk taking ventures, my spiritual and personal awareness, and many aspects of my overall health. As I meditate, and learn new modalities to raise vibrations, cellular health, mental and emotional health, I find my energy work to be more intense, my psychic and intuitive gifts getting even stronger, and my spiritual work becomes much more in-depth.

I would like to take you on this journey with me, sharing how I am changing my body, mind and spirit to become an independent, empowered spiritual woman. I will speak of doubts, triumphs, defeats, and the process that takes me along this empowering private journey to full awareness. 

The biggest piece to the puzzle in true fulfillment, is becoming aware of your inner child. When there has been trauma or abuse, which comes in many forms, whatever age you were when it occurred is where your overall mentality becomes trapped, keeping you from fully integrating as a whole, healthy adult. For many of us, then, we have many inner children that need to be comforted, held, whispered words of love and forgiveness, and, most importantly, shown unconditional love. 

When you love yourself unconditionally, then you can accept your flaws as well as your talents, and then are able to truly love another human being. You then draw to yourself the most fulfilling partner, because you are fulfilled and whole,  able to give.

Over the past three years, as I have worked on understanding the inner child, many developments have occurred for me. Many places in my life have improved, and I have the ability to draw to me some very powerful and attractive men, as well. However, I found I was not able to keep them. The biggest problem I realized was that until I lost enough weight to be considered ‘eye candy’, the men I were most drawn to , and who begged for my affections would only be available to me in the bedroom. I would never be able to travel to all of the romantic destinations, jump off the fancy boats or walk along the nice beaches arm in arm with the man of my dreams in my current state. 

This week I met an extremely nice catch, and I know that I have to move quickly in order to learn all I can from this encounter so that I can learn how to change my mental processes and limiting beliefs in the hopes of having a better chance at manifesting the body size that most complements the bone structure and features I was given, as well as healing the chakras or energy centers that are currently compromised so that full health is not achieved. And, I have to listen to my inner child. As long as she feels unsafe and unprotected, I will continue to use my eating disorder as a safety mechanism.

I know many people who are trapped or ruled by their inner children, whose Ego is the one who rules their souls, keeping them from being fully aware, will turn their heads at my transparency, my wish to share in a practical healing approach. I may lose the chance to help people, but those are the ones that aren’t able to rise above their own self-hate and masks.

But, some of you will know in your hearts that what I speak is true, and that being this vulnerable is difficult, but important to help others heal, as well as myself.

Will you share this path with me?