So, you’ve made it past the barrage of dating site
intros, moved into texting, fast and furious,
and the two of you want to meet.
There’s the adrenaline rush of meeting someone new, heart pounding, what will I wear, what will he think, what will I think, will we kiss, blaa, blaa, blaa…for me, I’d stress more over a job interview with a great salary.
Why is that, crazy online dating lady? Do you just not care?
Bear with me.
Can you say ‘No’ with style?
This means, do you have safe and secure boundaries around what you will and will not do?
If you find yourself answering questions with “I don’t care, whatever you like, if you want to, I don’t mind,…” or worse, you apologize a lot, then you’d best stay at home. Your date is going to run all over you, and when you go home after eating a meal that you couldn’t stand, listened to your date blabber on for hours without asking you one single question, and then allowed him to paw all over you until you made some crazy excuse to get away, or WORSE, you went home with him…save yourself the trouble. Order take-out and do some research by John Bradshaw on reclaiming your inner child. Many of us don’t even realize that we have the “right” to say ‘No’. I want to help you find ways to create safe boundaries for yourself.
Am I ~ going out with him because he/she looks really hot in these pics, and paying me attention, or ~ going out with him because he is so interesting and has so many cool attributes that I can’t stay away, or ~am I going out with him because I’m lonely and no one else asked?
If you are going out with ANYBODY for any other reason than he/she (guys do read this) is so damn fascinating I just have to meet him/her, don’t. Big no-no. People who have damaged inner children have been taught that their sex appeal has more value than their soul worth. They do not feel they have any other value than by what they can ‘do’. Therefore, they will do their best to snag you for a physical encounter with their sexy poses, as they have only learned to value the physicality of interaction. A relationship will never develop.
If a potential partner has sexy, nude, way too revealing pics, that is exactly what is happening. Refer back to my “Rooster Showing” post for more info. Exceptions to this can be where the person is at the beach or running a Tough Mudder or some thing like this where he/she is water skiing, wearing athletic gear, working on the farm in a tank top or maybe a shirtless guy on a tractor. And, it should NOT be the only pic they have.
I’ll have a post with tips on how to intuit an online dating profile later.
Are you daydreaming about things like, trips you might take, how he/she will take care of you, make you feel loved, what your kids could look like, could I move in with him, will we get married?
That is your damaged inner child talking, and he or she is driving the big people bus. This is a very dangerous place, and we’ve got a lot of work to do. But, we can do it. Spend your time wisely right now, and do some research on what makes you, you. The best place to start is with Googling Jung’s Four Stages of Life, which I will introduce below, or Depth Psychology, http://www.depthinsights.com/index.htm.
Will it matter to you how the date turns out?
If you will: be devastated, fly into a rage, become suicidal, text him like a crazy person if he doesn’t text you afterwards demanding to know ‘what happened’, or feel worthless if it is less than what you hoped for, save the gas money, cab fare, whatever, and just keep reading.
Here’s a short assignment….Take a good, hard look at this picture. Then, take about two minutes, tops, and write down everything, EVERYTHING that comes to your mind, without thinking, judging, changing any of it. Ready, Go…
I’d love to hear back from you on what you experienced.
Carl Jung was a brilliant psycho therapist who developed the concept of the 4 Stages of Development.
They are –
Childhood, or Structuring the Ego (Here is where I feel the damaged ego occurs)
Adolescence and Early Adulthood; seeking experience to confirm a belief system
Adulthood and Midlife ; reclaiming yourself and understand who We Wish to Be (here is where I feel we have the development of the Aware Ego)
Maturity and Wisdom; self alignment and preparation for death
I am telling you this, because it is key to us working to find where along these stages did you break off part(s) of yourself?
I will discuss some of my thoughts on these ideas in my next post.
In the medicine way, we call the finding of these shards, Soul Retrieval. Stay with me, and I’ll do all I can to help you patch your pieces back together.
IF you want to. I’m here.