Why’d you have to lay it all on the table?
~ Facebook instant message reply from a past lover when he read my comment regarding his week’s silence.
Child, be very, very careful to think before you speak. When you don’t tend to yourself, it is easy to mistake your own message for someone else’s…
~ Words of wisdom, from my first Medicine Man teacher, Bruce Holt, Occanecchi/Saponi
It’s really hard understanding the messages men give sometimes. Well, all the time, really.
That’s what I used to think, anyway. I know better now.
Until I can give myself, not another, but MYSELF, unconditional love, I cannot find a mate who deserves me. And, until I love myself, I do not deserve another.
But, what does this mean? I hear this crap all the time. Unconditional love. Men are just dogs. They use you and dump you. They only want one thing…
“I’m asking you now to pay attention,” says my higher self to my little kid selves, and my wounded Ego.
” When you hear things that make you angry, get you riled up, cause you to shake inside, that is your wounded inner child demanding attention. Until you can learn to listen to this frightened, abandoned child, give it the nurturing environment that it never received when you were actually growing up, it will continue to skew your view of life, and how to live it. Until you become the parent and tend to all of you, you will never be able to truly give yourself to another, nor will you live a full life.”
That’s not fair. I want someone to take care of me, and to love me for me, without having to change. What’s wrong with me?
It took YEARS for me to understand. But, now that I do, may I share it with you?
Until you understand your own self worth, you will never be able to find a partner of equal value.
~Note from Higher Self
OK, Spiritual Coach Chick, what in the bleep does all of this mean?
Hopefully, if you’ll hang with me and this blogging experience, it will start to develop through stories of my self-experience. This is not an easy fix.
However, there is a key component to it all – finding the authentic self.
You have to find you. I can’t find you, the hot guy from the coffee shop can’t find you, your mom or dad can’t find you, and neither can your boss.
What I CAN do, is share my experiences with you, use my mistakes as parables for your own inner struggle, and steer you around the ice bergs. IF you will allow me to.
White folks can say that I have earned the right to be called a medicine woman. Perhaps. That remains to be seen. I think it is an insult to the true metis teacher who wears their hair in braids, with bear claw necklaces under their shirts so no one knows who they are, as well as to the ones who prefer full regalia.
I will accept “spiritual coach”. From the Hungarian, kocsi (szekér), which was where a particular carriage was made, so it carried people from the village of Kocsi, and eventually was spun into the meaning of “one who carries another through”.
So, will you let me carry you through the parts of your life where the authentic self is created, stopping here and there to examine where little pieces of you got lost along the way?
It’s up to YOU.