Now, the bad news…

However, at 47, he could barely walk. My heart drooped. Decades of issues with lack of support, combined with too much hard, physical activities had taken its toll.

After lunch, we parted ways, and he began to excitedly text me, gushing about how much he enjoyed meeting, and wanted to get together soon, etc. I really wanted to get to know this man, and he kept saying he wanted me to cook for him, so I invited him over for later in the week. Meanwhile, our texts are getting a little racy, and then he backs off into some silence. I let him go, and then he comes back, and then silence, etc. He cancels our dinner date, and this repeats for two more days. During all of this time, he is alluding to chronic back and neck issues, and the medicines involved, etc. As an Earth Mother, my first impulse was to offer to do energy work and gentle massage. He was excited by this, and now wants me to come to his house…

understanding the spiritual self

-a healthy authentic self develops an Aware Ego/referee

Then, my Higher Self referee starts throwing yellow flags on the fourth yard line. The whistle blows, hand signals start flying….sigh…

The Higher Self, Aware Ego, Conscience, the One Driving the Big People Bus (AKA the adult body) MOST of the time begins to pull out her big black rule book.

 

 

 

 

 

Ro, are you going to be a perpetrator, victim or enlightened soul?

Here is a lonely, needy, great guy who needs a mommy. His wife left him in a mid life, menopausal crisis a year ago after twenty years. I could take the victim role and say, “He needs me,” and run around after him, and begin to take care of him,etc. I would be giving until my back gave out, my kids would not get their equal part of my time, and my energetic reserves would be far in the negative. Not to mention how the other parts of my life would suffer. He was drawing me in, away from my home, into his, on his terms, hopefully to give him what he needed while not meeting my needs. Either consciously or unconsciously, I was allowing him to do this. I was allowing myself to become a victim. I completely stopped texting until I can figure out a way to offer closure  from the place of an objective medicine woman.

Choosing to be enlightened means I am responsible for making decisions based on unconditional love, as well as logic. I am Aware of my and his motives.

Examples of how I could have chosen to be a perpetrator –

thinking that if I took care of him, he would be a stable fixture in my life. If I did this or that, he would create safety in my life, a symbiotic relationship, even. If I were good to him, he would see my value, and want to help me financially, or with my boys, like taking them hunting, fishing or shooting.

It’s manipulating a situation or enabling another so  they aren’t able to continue their own healthy learning/development process. My inner children wanted to ‘trap’ a daddy figure. Thank God for the Aware Ego/Enlightened Self. See, the Ego is important, but we have to open its eyes, make it AWARE. So, I will talk to my inner children  and explain that their daddy is gone, but I am here to keep them safe until the right relationship comes along.

So, on to Door #3…

Advertisements