Men are visceral, and they need to see, smell, and touch. And, you need to let them. To what degreee depends on where you are in the dating process.
So, I’m getting ready for the date, (now that I know my family is taken care of with dinner, I’ve spent a little down time with the boys)and I take care of ME.
I get a nice long, hot shower, I shave all of the parts that need shaving, and wash with my favorite body wash so that it smells nice in the bathroom, and then I fix my hair. (We will need a separate post on what message your hair sends.) When I get out, I go to my room and work magic.
First, I put an organic grade almond massage oil all over my body, rubbing, soothing everywhere, and talking to the different body parts as I go. I start at my feet and toes, and thank them for no longer having gout, for getting me where I need to go, then my legs, etc. I take a lot of time near my belly button, stomach, and breasts, thanking my organs for making me female, asking them to let me know during the date how they feel about this man I am meeting (through feelings of comfort, upset stomach or other body signals), reassuring my inner children by putting my hands near my ovaries, womb, breasts that I will not let harm come to them, and thank my female parts for making me a woman. (This has played a big part in overcoming endometriosis and PCOS, but more later.) All of this is my ceremony, creating my status, as one who has worth, all of me.
Next, I have a special blend of oils that has a subliminal message in its scent, “powerful woman blend”. The items in this give off a subconscious message to both me and him that I am worthy, powerful, and sexaully appealing. These blends will be different for different women. I put this on my wrists, and around my collarbone. If we hug or hold hands, he will get a whiff of it, a subtle signal of me.
Then, I gently spritz a lovely body spray from bed, bath and bodyworks that has a little glitter to signal that I am fun, playful, and easy to approach. Men need clues like this in our day and time because there is SO much pressure from – potential sexual harassment issues; mean, grouchy, whiny women; and a large amount of emasculation techniques targeting them, that it can make even the best men insecure. (We’ll do an exercise in the power of a smile, later.)
The last thing I do is to spray a very SMALL amount of a very expensive parfum between my legs, like one spritz. Then, I put my fingers between my legs, down to where my scent is, and I dab this lightly behind both ears. This is subtle, it’s sexy, and it will drive men WILD. As the night goes on, and you get closer, lean in to one another, etc. he will slowly start to get the scent you have created, and he will become more aroused. The care that you take with yourself will touch on the first two central desires (status, sex), as you obviously are a catch, you arouse him, and there’s a good possibility you will make him feel comfortable(security) because you give off vibes of pleasure, as well. Understand, this is subtle, subconscious, and very important.
When you dress, hint at what is underneath, but don’t give too much away. Wearing a suit, a floor length dress, or other ‘stuffy’ clothing will tell him you are unapproachable, formidable, etc. They deal with this all day at work, so be welcoming, flirty, wear your hair a little tousled but not messy, show some leg, but not your ass, wear an open collar but don’t let your tits hang out. This shows them that it’s possible, but not a definite that he will get you. He needs the challenge, and you are one. He needs to know that not everyone gets you, that you are EARNED, and that helps build his level of security. If he has to worry all day if you’re doing the pool boy, handyman, college kid down the street, or just any rooster that comes along, it will mess up one of his three requirements.
If you wear way too revealing clothing, his mind will directly assume that you are a door mat, can easily be had, and that he’s going to get a piece of ass and move on. Also, if you are a bigger woman, like me, he will assume you are easy, and have low self-esteem, so when you meet, you will be proving your status to him all night. It’s a stereotype, but because so many times it is proven true on dates, it is up to us big girls to heal ourselves and change that point of view to the world. And, I’m teaching you how.
Take a minute to look over the picture above. See how her face is uncovered, open and vulnerable? A few wisps hanging down in fine, but men need to be able to ‘see’ you. She has a soft, sincere smile that carries up to her eyes, with a look that is playful, inviting, and gentle. As a woman, you can tell that tremendous time and effort went into this appearance, yet she is calm, composed, looking like she does this all the time. Her delicate décolletage is not too revealing, but just inviting enough to interest a man.
(See more in my next post, Walk This Way, coming soon)