(this will be a mini-series on how to strengthen your self-image through ceremony, exercise and self-love)

Ever notice how some women just seem to attract men to them,

—We create stage presence by a mixture of poise and clothing choice.

—We create stage presence by a mixture of poise and clothing choice.

while others seem to ‘disappear’ in a crowded room?

If you want someone to notice you, you must become noticeable.

You do this by creating a presence.

Clothes –

The subliminal messages you send with what you choose to wear, and how you choose to wear it, mean EVERYTHING. Not only are you sending messages to potential dates, but to your boss, co-workers,  anyone with whom you are doing business. So, you must first decide what you want to say, and when you want to say it. What you wear to a party would not be the same as what you wear to a business meeting or in court, but it is crucial that you take some time and prepare for what you are going to wear on any given day. Make sure you take the time to buy clothes that fit, even if you must pay a little more. There is nothing that says “victim” faster than a woman who is always pulling, re-arranging and picking at her clothes. Smooth, fluid lines are key.

Stiff, formal, stark outfits and hair styles create an energy that says, “back off, no nonsense, I do not play nice with others.” If that is what you really want to portray, then more power to you. However, if you want to be taken seriously i.e. respected, but also want to be seen as approachable, and therefore, datable, then you need to mix some of your formality with fun, soft fabrics and textures, and don’t be afraid to use color. When a woman wears black all of the time, or if it overpowers her wardrobe, it says, “I hate my body, I do not want intimacy, I am extremely moody.”

Understanding the use and value of color is imperative to your overall well being, but I will have to address it in another post. Just to be brief, I wlll share with you the value of a a few alternative colors, and what to wear to get help with certain life issues. Wearing these colors will give us confidence as we work on challenges.

Red-will help with sensuality, love of life, vibrancy, deeper sexuality, passion, to feel grounded in the world, healing from the inside, out. This correlates to the root chakra, the sexual organs, where one stands in the world, a sense of belonging, primate means of survival, helps the immune system, and fertility. Do not pair with black, as this cultivates anger.

Green – is the healing energy of the earth. A wonderful choice when one is angry, as it transmutes the anger or overly red energy. Unconditional love, it resonates at the same frequency of the sun. Compassion, generosity and inspiration, and self-love are all strengthened when we wear green. New direction in life, transitions.

Browns – If you feel flighty, out of your body or dizzy alot, unable to focus, needing clarity in life, this is the one to wear. If you need help with determination, feeling safe, organizing yourself, stability, then look to brown.

Blue – if you want to attract water signs-cancer, scorpio, pisces, and also Aquarius, who carries water, then blue is an excellent choice. If you have issues of communication; as in you can’t speak up, don’t do well speaking in front of people, have a hard time speaking you mind, wish to develop your creative outlets, and are searching for more spiritual avenues.

Purple – will help if you want to encourage seeing into the future, lucid dreaming, developing intuition. Violets are regal, and give a sense of lushness, and rebirth. Forgiveness is found here, as well as releasing hatred and animosity. Scorpios and aquarius are most easily attracted by shades of violet. Any misqualified judgements such as racism can be released in the sixth chakra, which is the third eye, which is helped by wearing purple.


Men are very attracted by soft, fluid, floating movements that are combined with undulations, and curves. You are most attractive to a man when you stand tall and proud, with an alert head that easily swivels, while moving with graceful, small movements. Belly dancing, pilates, yoga are all wonderful ways to learn how to draw out your natural feminine side. The secret is strengthening your core, which is the area around your belly button. This is the third chakra, and the color here is a vibrant yellow. This part of the body is where you bring your thoughts into the physical reality. You can do these exercises at home with youtube videos, but this is how you create your presence, as your body’s energy emanates from this center. This is where you strenthen your lower back so you can have a soft sway to your hips that men love, as well as a sense of self. Your palms should be turned towards your body, and flow slightly beside you. Pick up your feet, never, ever drag them. Examples of poise and posture would be Giselle Bunchen, Tyra Banks, Bianca Jagger, Queen Latifa, Mary K. Blige, Christina Aguilera, Brooke Shields.

Great beginner exercise videos –




In speaking with all types of men who have been with many, many women, the consensus seems to be that they DON’T want it all laid out like a buffet. They want the allure of the possibility that you may expose a part of yourself, but that it isn’t blatant, like a blouse that slides off of the shoulder, a skirt just short enough that they MIGHT see a glimpse of your inner thigh, or maybe the edge of your panties, a neckline that could show a curve of your breast…but blatant exposure turns them off! Yeah, he’s gonna look, and I do too, when a woman walks by in daisy dukes, a revealing blouse with no bra, a super short skirt. I’m amazed, I guess. If you only want sex, and you need attention to fill something inside yourself, well, that’s your choice. But, this blog is about seducing, mesmerizing and WINNING the man that you want and deserve to keep.

Let’s look at this pic of Bianca Jagger as a case in point.

style, sexuality, relationships, spirituality

photo by Reg Lancaster/Daily Express/Hulton archives)

She’s got the edge, with a masculine blazer that men love to see(women in men’s clothing), yet she is the ultimate of classy sexiness. There is the chance someone could touch her skin if he got close enough, and the skin shown is not too revealing, nor is it see through, and there is the lovely touch of the feminine with her choker, and the possibility that more could be revealed if the moment were right. She looks approachable with her softness, but still carries a sense that she must be respected with her straight gaze, tall stance, and formal hairstyle. A perfect combination. This is stage presence.