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He was big, black and pleasant enough, with a loud, roaring bark that was aggravating.
As soon as he smelled me, though, he calmed down.
What a demanding animal, who followed you around, beat you with his big, German shepherd tail,
full of nervous anxiety; with skin problems.
I should have paid better attention to that dog on the first few dates, instead of being bowled over by the owner’s good looks and flattering attention.
Don’t get me wrong, he was a wonderful dog overall, but the unusual health issues were a clear sign that something was rotten in the state of CrazySpirit Chic land. If the man hadn’t been so good looking and charming, I would have caught it. Pets are a very clear mirror of their owners.
Whether or not a single person has a pet, and if so, studying what the pet’s traits are, will give you astonishing clues about how dateable he or she is. And the more pets someone has, the more complicated the issues are likely to be.
Let’s look at first at what NOT having a pet can imply about PD (potential date).
Let’s say PD is a busy professional, who claims he just doesn’t have time for a pet. How is he going to have time for you?
Seriously, if PD doesn’t want the companionship of a pet because he says, “I’m just too busy,” then I would seriously re-think his ability to not only be intimate, but how caring, kind hearted and responsible he/she truly is. I might consider a pet-less person if I only wanted a part-time lover, or no-strings attached sort of fling, but that is so easy to find, and not what I want in a man.
And, yes, there is such a thing as having too many pets. Anytime anyone hoards, there are deep residual issues. So, if I’m talking about you, then instead of getting upset, hopefully you will think about what I am saying.
Now, I have seen that once someone gets in a relationship, the two will buy a pet or two together. That is a nice way to bond, and yes, the PD may just have needed some affection in his life to see the joy that a pet can bring, especially if he or she has some help taking care of the pet. Just be aware, and pay attention to the details, and it will save you much grief down the road.
But, back to the dog….
CA1, or Capricorn 1, was an older man who was very fit and attractive. He was also very pushy, and had a strong need to control the outcome of things. He needed a great deal of attention, and acted like a peacock in public. In private, he bent over backwards to please me and act as if I were his world, yet he had secret selves that he thought I knew nothing about.
If I had been in a more comfortable, less stressed out situation, I could have taken things slowly, and paid more attention to not only the dog, but to the relationship of man and dog. For example, he couldn’t go anywhere without his dog; it drove him crazy to think that the dog was alone for more than two hours at a time. When he brought the dog to my house, he would spend the entire time in the garage trying to get into the house, and tore up my screen door.
The whole time I was at CA’s house, the dog would lie on this big dog pillow, (he was a huge dog), and chew on his back side. He was an incessant licker, and could hardly rest. He was rarely at peace, or relaxed.
Here is what this now means to me – CA has no sense of self, and is totally living through a false sense of who he really is. He is full of insecurities, and needs constant reaffirmation and attention. He is never in a state of ‘being’, as he always has to do something to feel that he has worth. He was an emotional black hole, and had lost most of his authentic self due to a mother that hated herself, and picked apart her children until they became broken, as well. CA had four different slivers of himself that I could tell in the five months we were together; the public/professional personnae, a private one, one to fit in with friends, and a self that was ruled by an eleven year old. It really doesn’t matter WHAT the issues are, what’s important is that you catch the issues before they catch you.
However, at the time, I was in distress, and insecure, and not my objective self. CA could sense, and was counting on that. It was very sad, once I understood the dynamics of his split selves, and was able to walk away. The women from his past were addicts, full of their own lack of self-esteem, and victims, so he was able to control and manipulate them. Once I got back on my feet, however, I could begin to piece all of the evidence together, and get out before my family and I became too attached.
I hope you will come to understand when it is time, as well.