I read recently that the number one relationship killer was cheating. Personally, I disagree.
I know many people that stay together because there are children involved.
There are many miserable couples who keep up appearances even after one has ‘caught’ the other with someone else. Your status as a couple could be powerful enough for him to stick around. For now.
I often mention the 3 ‘S’s that are essential to keeping a man, “Status, Sex and Security”, and they truly do fall in that order. A man’s status is paramount, as he is the breadwinner, problem solver, the king of the castle. If you continue to do things that will risk his status, such as berate him in public, challenge his authority at every turn, refuse to let him have the last word – it won’t be long before he’s history. This is called ‘losing face’ or being ‘disrespectful’. A man feels he is worse than nothing without respect. When a woman does this to a man, he loses self worth, value, and security.
“But,” you ask, “Crazy Spirit Chic, why do I HAVE to do this stuff?”
Because it is how he is wired, and once you attune to what makes him tick, he will die trying to do the same for you. Promise. If you are frustrated or even angry by what I am saying in these posts, then you should consider working on your authentic self so you can feel whole and nourished enough to truly give to another and receive the relationship of your dreams.
Here are three simple but effective ways to prove you can elevate his status:
1. Praise/hero worship. Yes, he NEEDS to be the hottest, sexiest, smartest man you’ve ever
met. It does not demean you in any way to give him praise for even the simplest things, such as telling him how happy it makes you feel when he takes out the trash or how much it helped when he stayed late to finish a project so you could present it to the boss on time. When you do get in a sexual relationship, it is crucial to verbally worship his manhood, as well.
2. Active listening. This means that when he is talking, you are not; thinking about how to make a come back, what you have to do when you leave work, etc. You are patient, and allow him the time and space to answer your questions. Don’t start rattling off several questions at one time, because he has to compartmentalize, and he will need to focus on one thing at a time. Be sure to look in his direction, offer appropriate eye contact, and nod or give short affirmative words to show you are giving him your attention. This will save both him and yourself much frustration and pain. Try this tomorrow with a man in your life. The results will be astounding.
3. Support his efforts. If a man feels that you can understand his needs and goals and if you can offer suggestions to help improve his status, he will find you invaluable. Now, that doesn’t mean to ‘nag’ or demand that he does something, but rather to find ways to alleviate some of his pressure. If you know, for example, that he has a hard time getting up in the mornings, offer to give him a wake up call. You both have to get up at the same time anyway, so something like this would not demean or take away from you own self care. Never offer to do anything that is demeaning or degrading, like buying his lunch because he’s too busy to take a break or things like this that will depreciate your own worth. It is crucial that you show how you value your own self if you hope to give him value. When a man finds a woman like this, he will stop at nothing to give her the world.