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Why do you tell me to take care of him? I deserve the royal treatment…

– complaint from a new client

Yes, dear, you do. That’s what I’ve been telling you all of this time; if you want the relationship of your dreams, to be the happiest ‘you’ possible, to be satisfied, you MUST take care of you. Once you grieve the pain, learn to love yourself unconditionally, and understand your own worth, then – and only then – will you be able to draw the one to you that will treat you like the queen you deserve to me.

Rule #1 – Men can smell fear or doubt a hundred miles away.

Be it your boss, your kids or that hot new guy at the gym you are DYING to ask out, you must appear confident, in control and in charge when you are making your point. Most men I meet, especially the more powerful, rich and courageous desire a strong, calm woman.

If you talk or walk with your head lowered, attempt to get sympathy compliments because you have low self esteem (“I didn’t have time to fix my hair, sorry,” or “Does this make me look fat?”), or talk in a fast, jumbled high-pitched rush because you’re five minutes late, he will immediately realize you are insecure and use that to his advantage. One example of this is “negging”, and the man who is a bully will begin doing this to you as soon as you let on that you’re not fully aware that you are worth a million dollars.

Post mantras on all of your mirrors to repeat daily, listen to motivational cd’s in the car, practice LOA techniques such as EFT(see Tapping into Ultimate Success, by Canfield and Bruner). Remind yourself of times that you handled yourself well and hold on to that feeling when talking to that guy for the first time; it will completely change how you conduct yourself.

Rule #2 – You MUST believe in yourself before he will. Repeat after me; “I am a strong, confident woman. I deserve a man who will treat me like a queen.” Look around you at work for a great female mentor or get some local women’s magazines that champion women in your community. Subscribe to positive magazines like ‘O’ or search for articles to uplift you, like http://www.huffingtonpost.com/news/female-role-models. Keeping this energy around you will help you to resonate higher. Go places that cater to people that you wish to emulate. It WILL rub off. It doesn’t make sense to hang out at bars if you want to be like Katie Couric, or dress like Miley Cyrus if you want a job at a law firm; you get the idea.

Rule #3 – You must learn that you are valuable, and have great worth. You were loved before you were born, and even though you’ve suffered, had difficult times, even wanted to die, you DO have a purpose. It’s just a matter of finding your way. Once you learn to love you, ALL of you, anything is possible. This does NOT equate to being mean, a hard nose, or difficult. It does mean using eye contact, taking time to look nice, showing off your assets, and saying what’s on your mind in a tactful way.

                                           See, beauty and poise are not hard to master with practice.

More on finding that path in my next post…