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So, here I stand, one hand on an open fridge door, looking in at two containers of
perfect milk, gaze intently focused on them, as if they will start talking.
“Run away, ” pleads the first one. “You will only stress her out if you take us without the other half gallon. She will freak out.”
“Go ahead,” says the other. “Yeah, you’ll have to make an extra trip, but she won’t mind when she knows you finished up school.” Sigh. I know that whatever I choose to do will cause problems, at this point, because her kids will have seen me there, and NO matter what I do, it will be wrong. As I was already out of milk, and was now here, I decided to take it and come back tomorrow for the rest. No big deal, right?
I know this may sound silly to some, but you would be amazed how many men go through this type of significant other stress EVERY day. The men feel that no matter what they try to do, it will either be misunderstood, taken the wrong way, or just be seen as completely wrong, and they will be yelled at, cause an argument, or worse. So, many of them give up, and quit trying, while others secretly plot how they will find someone else while silently continuing to taking the crap. Others are so needy that they are wiling to try anything to hold on to you.
Tuesday afternoon I go back, not even expecting her to be home, carrying the clean containers with me. I’m barely at the fridge door and she’s running down the porch steps, as jittery and flustered as always.
“But, uh, but – you came yesterday, you were already here, you got your milk!” (Oh, brother.)
“I got a gallon, yes. But, I had to come back and get the rest.”
“But, you never come on Mondays, and it wasn’t all ready. I don’t have it ready until Tuesday.” She is not yelling, but breathing fast and shallow, using jerky movements, completely flustered, and going on and on. Personally, I am amazed. What is the big deal? She’s getting my heart-rate up, I’m losing my cool because her energy is what is attacking me, the vibration she is giving off. I am losing control of my calm demeanor.
“I knew I should’ve turned around and walked away yesterday and went home. I just knew it. I was afraid it would get you all out of sorts. I should’ve waited until today. I’m sorry, I won’t do it again.” At this point, I am trying to force slower breathing, working to keep my mouth shut and find a way to quickly get this in control and get the heck out of there!
She, however, can’t let it go. She keeps going on and on about how her daughter saw me yesterday, and when I pulled up her daughter said, “but she already came, so why is she here today,” and how people come and get milk from her, and she wasn’t sure if someone else had taken the milk, etc.etc. in between this high-pitched laugh as if she were trying to laugh off her ‘confusion’, and in between my promises not to come back unless it was on the scheduled Tuesday.
How many of us do this to the men in our lives, even our kids? When we don’t stand in our authentic selves, firm in our self-love, forgiveness and acceptance, we are always uptight, anxious and miserable, unable to forgive others’ mistakes or calmly going with life’s flow, making every one around us want to run the other way.
I even down-played myself as I was going to the car, stating that I would only be back one more week, and then I wouldn’t be bothering her as she had already told me the goats had to be ‘dried off’ so their bodies can rest before being bred again…anything to safely get to the car. The whole time I’m thinking how I can start looking for a larger dairy, even with cows so I don’t have to keep going through this. And, she’s calling behind me that she didn’t have them dried off yet, that I might be able to get milk for a few more weeks…
So, what does this mean, you ask? What does this have to do with me? And, how does this help me to learn to change?
Well, keep reading, and I’ll break it down…(continued)